曾经

曾经是那么的遥远

曾经是那么的可爱

曾经是那么的短暂

曾经沧海难为水

除却巫山不是云

沧海经历过无数的风浪之后

很难可以变回纯净的水

当我看过巫山的云之后

其他的云都不是云了

两句话都很贴切

很简单的事情，为什么会变得这么复杂

爱就爱

不爱就不爱

那么简单而已

可是就是因为曾经

大家都受着苦

因为一个矛盾的问题

一个不肯定的答案

一个犹豫的决定

为什么我要那么怕输？

好想问你，你怕输吗？。。。

开心回了！

这整个月其实都在等待今天的来临。

这个月真的很邪哦。。。

上个星期简直就是EMO到不行。

我的狗病好了，昨天开始吃回东西了。

今天就已经吃狗饼了。

虽然是穷了一点可是打算五月去打一下PART TIME工。

三天RM300。。。赚回一点零用钱。

然后，妈妈的皮肤病现在慢慢医医看。

今天弄了药材汤，补补身子。

关于最烦的事情，现在也已经解决了。

感觉上就像是醒了。

然后，

交了一些新朋友，挺不错的朋友。

今天出去很开心。

最重要的就是，我回来了！

陈娉琪回来了！

现在我要继续做PAST YEAR QUESTION。

一定要考好来哦！

A night out with BFFs

So,

I went out for dinner with my friends at a Vegetarian Restaurant today.

I was a little sick that time and I felt very dizzy while eating.

I was worried because I felt my head was numb,

it's like flames inside my brain,

after I laughed at some random stuffs.

I think that's only because I was starving.

But I managed to make it through that dizzy state anyway.

We went to Kinta Riverfront after that.

Went into the Karaoke room.

Had some great time singing love songs and stuffs.

Making fun of Pee's bald head. 

But I think it's pretty cool though.

After a few glasses of beers,

some of them went home.

So me, Min Jun, Bong and Wai Loon went to GR's snooker centre.

I was chatting with Wai Loon about his new gf.

I asked him to just love.

Cuz he has nothing to lose.

They asked about me too.

I said I'm fine on my own.

But that's really all I can say about my current state.

But I really wanna mention one thing that Wai Loon said about me.

After being my close friends for like, more than 10 years.

He said girls like me, are hard to find suitable bf.

An alpha male will not be able to match with me.

But on the other hand, beta male too, could hardly be happy being together with me.

He thinks that it's better for me to be alone too.

He said I'm the ''hard mode''...

Which I think is very true.

If I were a boy, I would also prefer a girl who makes me breakfast every morning.

Help me massage my body when I feel tired.

Do everything for me without saying a word.

Girl that is very weak, and cute.

That I would feel like I wanna protect her.

Not a girl that would hurt me and break my heart all the time.

Anyway, whatever.

So what if really nobody wants me.

I like the way it is now.

I want nobody too.

I've never felt better...

Hell Yeah, ain't gonna back to the prison, thanks. 

I'm not ''qualified'' to be a prisoner.

When comes to responsibility, no thanks. Not now.

Because being single is GREAT, MAN!

I love myself!

<3 font="">

Be Your Everything -- Boys like Girls lyrics

"Be Your Everything"

Four letter word
But I don't have the guts to say it
Smile 'til it hurts
Let's not make it complicated
We've got a story
And I'm about to change the ending
You're perfect for me
And more than just a friend
So we can just stop pretending now
Gotta let you know somehow

I'll be your shelter
I'll be your storm
I'll make you shiver
I'll keep you warm
Whatever weather
Baby I'm yours
Be your forever, be your fling
Baby I will be your everything

Baby I
Baby I will
Baby I will be your everything

We used to say
That we would always stick together
But who's to say
That we could never last forever
Girl, got a question
Could you see yourself with somebody else?
'Cause I'm on a mission
And I don't wanna share
I want you all to myself right now
I just wanna scream it out

I'll be your shelter
I'll be your storm
I'll make you shiver
I'll keep you warm
Whatever weather
Baby I'm yours
Be your forever, be your fling
Baby I will be your everything

Baby I
Baby I will
Baby I will be your everything

No matter what you do, yeah,
Oh, I'll be there for you
And every time you close your eyes
I will be by your side
'Cause every time you make me sing
Baby I will be your everything

I'll be your shelter
I'll be your storm
But I'll make you shiver
I'll keep you warm
Whatever weather
Baby I'm yours
Be your forever, be your fling
Baby I will be your everything

Baby I
Baby I will
Baby I will be your everything

Baby I
Baby I will
(I'll be your storm)
Baby I will be your everything

Baby I
(Yeah, yeah)
Baby I will
Baby I will be your everything

A1-Caught in the Middle lyrics

Caught in the Middle- A1

[Paul:] You said that love was just a state of mind 
A puzzle made of pieces you can't find 
And for me you never really had the time 
I was blind. 

[Christian:] And everything that you meant to me 
Is written in the pages of my history 
But it's over now as far as i can see 
Suddenly 

[Ben:] Things are so different now you're gone 
I thought it'd be easy i was wrong 
[All:] And now i'm caught 
[Ben:] And now, i'm caught in the middle 
Even though i'm with someone new 
All i can think about is you 
[All:] And now i'm caught 
[Ben:] And now, i'm caught in the middle 

[Mark:] Moving on she brings me brighter days 
Thoughts of you are in my mind always 
Like a memory that i can't erase 
It's here to stay 

[Ben:] Things are so different now you're gone 
I thought it'd be easy i was wrong 
[All:] And now i'm caught 
[Ben:] And now, i'm caught in the middle 
Even though i'm with someone new 
All i can think about is you 
[All:] And now i'm caught 
[Ben:] And now, i'm caught in the middle 

[All:] So different 
([Mark:] it's so different) 
So easy 
([Paul:] so easy) 
But i can't get over you 
([Ben:] i can't get over you) 
So different 
([Paul:] it's so different) 
So easy 
([Mark:] so easy) 
But i can't get over you 
([Ben:] and i can't get over you) 

[Ben:] Things are so different now you're gone 
I thought it'd be easy i was wrong 
[All:] And now i'm caught 
[Ben:] And now, i'm caught in the middle 
Even though i'm with someone new 
All i can think about is you 
[All:] And now i'm caught 
[Ben:] And now, i'm caught in the middle 

[Ben:] Things are so different now you're gone 
I thought it'd be easy i was wrong 
[All:] And now i'm caught 
[Ben:] And now, i'm caught in the middle 
Even though i'm with someone new 
All i can think about is you 
[All:] And now i'm caught 
[Ben:] And now, i'm caught in the middle 

[Ben:] Things are so different now you're gone 
I thought it'd be easy i was wrong 
And now i'm caught 
Caught in the middle 
Even though i'm with someone new 
All i can think about is you 
And now, i'm caught in the middle

观念的立场

今天和中学朋友去喝茶

突然发觉身边的朋友已经接受了很多以前不接受的人或事

大家都开放了很多

其实我很不习惯这样

就好象小小的动作比如乱丢垃圾

随街说粗口

讲起关于性之类的话题

其实我都觉得有一点不应该

虽然我常常都是说得最精彩，最好笑的那一个

观念的立场

是什么呢

其实我内心有很多面

我不懂真正的自我是如何的

到底我的立场是在哪里？

可是我知道一点就是，

我希望自己可以UPGRADE的。

我希望自己是可以变成一个更好的人

其实我的缺点就是不知道自己的立场

所以很多时候自己做什么自己也不知道

出淤泥而不染

在学院就是有一个这样的人

虽然和他不是很熟悉

和他谈天过一次之后

我觉得这个人的作风是值得学习和敬佩

虽然身边都是说粗口，抽烟的人。

可是他能够在这样的环境下，

成为学院成绩最好的学生，而且是全马的OLYMPIA学院里成绩最好

他是素食者

他的思想虽然很奇怪

可是我觉得认识这个人，和他做做朋友

应该会对我有益。

希望可以跟他学习一些人生道理。

从中寻找自我。

Do you know? =)

你知道吗

我很开心

偶然的，我看到我们一起去过的地方

想起我们也是一起站在那个地方

看着天涯海角

心里百般不是滋味

相爱的人不能够在一起

虽然你不明白不认同

我是最失败的人

我不是一个好的女朋友

我很自卑

可是又很矛盾

连自己都不爱

怎么懂得去爱呢

怎么有资格去爱呢

和我一起那么痛苦

我宁愿让你脱离

宁愿叫你离开

我不想害你

我已经看透了

拿得起，放得下

还没开始的时候，请想想结束

这样的话就能够给自己一个心理准备

有一个女生很幸福

我想知道答案

得到的结果是

一世一次一心一意的爱

当你还相信一生不变的爱的时候

祝福你继续去相信吧

努力去维持你的信念

这样的话可以避免当那一天

你发觉全部都是梦，都是不实际的

万念俱灰的

那一天的来临

不懂是不是已经不相信永远了
可是我已经不能够爱了
勇气是什么，我也忘了。

可是我很开心

因为这是人生必经阶段

而我已经走出了迷宫

有时候觉得自己其实做什么都没用

最重要是凡是看得开

浑浑噩噩就一世了

那么认真做什么？

It's raining

Finally it rains

After so many days of shitty hot weather

Loving you by Kenny G

Why it still hurts so much when I think about you?

When will the suffer ends?

Who am I? and Who are you?

Am I looking forward to the end of the suffer?

Are you hoping for the end too?

What am I doing now?

Have I lost my mind?

Is this right? or is this wrong?

Am I making a right decision?

But, what have I decided?

Or, do I even have a choice to decide?

There're so many questions.

And I can't even answer one of them.

I tried to compel myself of forgetting, and forgiving.

But I couldn't.

I guess it takes time.

Will it takes forever?

I guess I should stop letting these stupid questions to pop up on my mind

Don't think too much pls.

Pinky.

Good Night.

Good luck for your presentation tomorrow.

我的日记

几个星期前，我突然新血来潮想要写日记。

我上一次写是在2010年，我去爱尔兰之前。

看回去以前发生的所有开心与不开心的事，

觉得长大了之后真的很烦。

我的却写不到新的一页，三年了，

很多东西，都不是笔墨所能形容。

记载是可以。可是那么深刻，那么可贵的回忆。

一切已经成为了梦幻泡影。

其实挺后悔在爱尔兰的时候没有写过日记。

那么珍贵的回忆，其实很怕会忘记。

我觉得如果忘记了就好象掉了钱，找不到一样。

心里面百般不是滋味。

为什么说长大之后会烦呢。

因为长大之后要解决的事情多了。

身边的人也开始变了，信不过了。

生活圈子里面人人都是自我保护，很现实。

唯一能信的就是日记。日记是我最好的朋友。

这句话我三年级开始写日记到现在我都是这么觉得。

就算是身边最亲的人，都不能尽诉心事。

只能写在日记里，自己看。

它就像是一枚镜子，反映出以前的情景，心情。

常常看日记时我都有一种莫名的感动。

我妈的皮肤病药还有一个星期就吃完了。

今天她告诉我，原来他们在马场做工很多人都试过皮肤病。

可能是因为长期接触动物的关系。

希望只是很轻微的皮肤病吧。

Seriously

I don't know what happened to my mom.

She's having this some kinda skin allergy thingy.

For weeks.

It's getting worse already.

I asked her to go to the skin specialist.

But she said she has no money to go for a doctor.

Because he didn't pay enough money for her this month.

I dunno, life's sucks.

I was searching on-line, what could cause a minor skin allergy to spread until  the whole body.

There's many causes and I saw the most terrifying word, cancer.

I'm a little worried. 

She's going for the skin specialist 2mrw anyway.

I hope it's just a minor infection or sth.

I couldn't even think of a person that could help us,

if there's really sth happened to her.

Ah... come on, be positive.

对不起，我爱你。

有时候，人

明知道不可为而为之。

虽说，不入虎穴，焉得虎子。

可是有没有想过要那“虎子”来干什么的。

“虎子”对我有什么好？

我捉了“虎子”，“虎子”开心吗？

可是往往都是养“虎”为患的结局。

反被它咬死。

对不起，“虎子”。

我爱你。

还有，

对不起，陈娉琪。

Alone

Seriously I wan this to end.

I don't deserve anyone's love any more.

Love is shit. I don't trust, I don't believe, I don't dare to love any more.

No point wasting time on me.

I'm sucks.

I'm so weak on the inside.

I don't think I will feel better with someone there with me.

I felt terrible.

I hoped to be alone.

I wanna be a loner.

Let me take care of everything on my own.

The main reason is that, I can't take it anymore.

I can't take the risk of getting hurt.

The safest way is to be on my own.

The only person that I can trust, is myself.

The only person that I can love, is myself.

No one can break this strong barrier, so strong that even the one that created it could not break through.

So sad.

So unfortunate.

那是什么？

有时候，一些事情真的轮不到你来猜。

生活就是如此。

往往在你意想不到的情况下，意外就会发生。

当意外发生了，已经回不去了。

只能一直一直地沉沦下去。

欺骗自己，欺骗别人。

一直到，连自己也忍不住，相信了这个谎言。

或者说，是面对了现实。

当你看清了世上所谓的所有都。。。其实是个谎言。

真的很绝望。

看到那个熟悉的瞬，剩下的只有无奈。

为什么自己要逼自己走上绝路。

伤害自己，伤害身边的人。

为什么人生就是要这么残忍？

那是什么？

N.I.G.H.T.

Night time. Strange. Mysterious. Special. Difficult.

Tonight.

Another sleepless night.

A lot of things happened lately.

What can I do???

''In life, there's so many passers-by.

But it's hard to find a person that shares thought with you.''

Is it true?

Is everything real?

I couldn't think of the consequences.

I wouldn't want to think of it.

But I know somehow I will find an answer.

Hopefully

lyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

CNY dinner

新的一年，2013。

去年和前年的华人新年我都不在家乡。

今年在家乡，多了一架相机，能够为家人亲戚朋友拍些照留念。

真的是很不一样。

最开心就是到别人家里的时候，热热闹闹，开开心心。

就会想拿出相机拍下来。

毕竟人生苦短，开心的日子不多，其实真的很值得拍下来留念。

有些亲戚都差不多一年才见一次，没什么机会看到。

年三十晚的时候帮妈妈在家拜神了之后就吃团圆饭。

今年的团圆饭就只有四个人，我妈，我，和两个妹妹。

因为她们的爸爸和我妈离婚了，所以就只是四个人吃了。

我们是在下午的时候吃，因为晚上两个妹妹要回和丰，我要回爸爸家。

这就是我们的团圆饭了。

虽然没有以前的丰富，可是今年四个人吃，感觉更温馨！

Xmas and New Year

(It's an unfinished post that I found in the draft)

It's funny to wake up on the day of 21st of Dec.

I once thought that we might not be able to see the sun rise again on that day.

However, everything seems so normal when I peeked through the window.

Warm as it always does, sunlight penetrates through it.

So after preparing myself, I went to work at IT fair.

3 days of working in IT fair was dreadful.

My feet were so painful, and I loathe those disgusting customers.
One man came to the fair for 3 days, he was asking for a particular printer.
That printer costs RM399 + RM50 Jusco voucher.

(Gonna finish the post on 11/02/2013)

But he hoped to get a discount on the last day.
In the end, he didn't buy it on the last day of IT fair also...

So I went out with a bunch of friends to Voodoo on Xmas Eve.
Countdown is fun when you are drunk.
Haha.

I stayed at home with my sisters on New Year's eve.
Nothing special.
Hope this year would be a nice one for everyone.
(y)

I know... I know...

I know... I know... I shouldn't be emo.

Lately, I kind of like, hit by a karma or something.

OK, so everything starts with this club thing.

I was with a group of friends and we were chosen to take up positions as committee.

I am holding the least important position in this club and yet,

I was the project manager of the CNY calligraphy competition event.

Anyway, it's kind of hard to cooperate with them.

I can't even communicate effectively with them.

They're so, childish, I would say. or NOOB, in other words.

I'm not trying to boast or sth, but, I like to be fast.

Productive, fast, efficient.

They can't follow my speed and now they're blaming me of not slowing down and wait for them.

Ok, so there's only 7 EXCO's in this club.

It's not necessary to always held meeting cuz 7 of us are in the same class.

Meeting = waste of time.

They don't realize how important time is, for a college student.

And, I have 5 assignments to pass up on March.

Darn it!

2mrw we will have one meeting, to discuss about this matter.

Or should I say, the problem I caused to the club.

So I've decided to leave the club.

It's just the matter of time.

And then, my car is very weird, I don't dare to drive it out.

That day it was dead on the road half-way...

Then I was sick, this and that.

Really, I hope CNY faster come, cause lately very very BLACK...

So unfortunate.

I really hope luck will come back to me as usual.

And that, I could sleep well every night.