功名利禄 ( success, fame, benefit and prosperity)

What exactly are we searching for, 

throughout our entire life?

This is a question that keep on haunting me for a long time.

人生几十年光景，我们应该用什么态度去生活？

我们应该追求的又是什么呢？

功名利禄，谁不想要？得到它们之后我们能真正的快乐吗？

而对你来说，快乐的定义，是什么呢？

快乐，对我来说，可能只是最简单的，母亲煮的一餐饭，家人平平安安。

人真的不应该要求太多。

最近觉得有很多朋友开始变了。

他们都渐渐被功名利禄征服，陷入万劫不复的田地。

其实也没有这么夸张啦，就是觉得他们一直不停的追，一直不停的爬，爬来爬去，这一座山是无尽止的。他们只会一生中都在看着山顶，而错过了路边的花草树木。

最重要的，不是去不去到山顶，而是在走往山顶的路上学习到东西。

终生学习，是我做人的态度与坚持。

What's my personality?

Personality.

Personality is the particular combination of emotional, attitudinal, and behavioral response patterns of an individual. Different personality theorists present their own definitions of the word based on their theoretical positions.

Combination of emotions, attitudes and behaviors.

Sometimes I find myself hard to predict. Because I tend to be different person when I be with different people. But deep down inside, my personality is as shit as hell. I am hot temper (but sometimes I can be really patient) , lazy (but can be very hardworking when I wanted so much to finish a certain task) , no manners especially at home ( I can go to toilet w/o closing the door, dig my nose in front of my sisters, scratch my bump in front of my sisters when it gets itchy, show them my belly when I got too full, etc etc).

Seriously, will you do things stated above in front of your siblings? I don't know, when I was a kid, people ask and teach me to be a GIRL as in LADY. But I always feel a small part of my true self, is a BOY as in MAN.

When I was 0 years old to 6, people called me a tofu. Because I always say yes to everything and everyone. I don't even dare to say no to the foods that I can't finish. (GIRL)

When I was standard one, I like to bully an Indian deskmate. Until her mother called my mother, and even complained in school.  (changes of my personality) (BOY)

Standard 2, I mixed with a bunch of bus friends. I fought with some guys sometimes. (BOY)

Standard 5, I became prefect. (GIRL)

Standard 6, I became the HEAD prefect. WTH? (changes of my personality AGAIN) (GIRL)

Who am I? I am the boyish girl, with a lot of different personalities.

So the conclusion is , Pinky doesn't know her true self yet. 

SOOOO SAD. LOL.

Sarah Brightman - Memory

Listening to Sarah Brightman's Memory.

Reminds me of how I got to know each and everyone of my friends.

And be together for, more than 10 years (some of them).

缘分 ( yun fen) which means destiny that ties everyone together.

We might not be the same us anymore but deep down inside, I will remember how we used to play together and grow up together, how we changed from a gang of kids to a gang of adults. 

Never dare to say this to my friends but, I LOVE YOU ALL!

My youngest sister---Elsa

Elsa is my youngest sister, to me, she is a very ''cute'' sister.

So today holiday starts, she forced me to wake up with her, forced me to go breakfast with her, forced me to watch 3 episodes of Vampire Diaries with her, forced me to watch another chinese movie with her, and now she is trying to force me, to watch another chinese movie. (but because I wanna take a break and go online, she is crying now)

She is a very emotional person. She can change from happy face to angry face, in a blink of an eye. LOL. She is very smart, and always can see the things deep inside ppl's hearts. She talks like an adult. She judges things like an adult. I'd never ever feel worry about her as in her homework or exams cause I know she is a very determine person, she always knows what is right for her.  

EXCEPT, her attitude towards ppl. We can say that as ''no manners''. Anyway, it's 15:21 now, she'd force me to do things since 10:00 this morning. So, I'm not going to give in to her , not anymore TODAY. 

Don't know why I blog so often these days. 

Probably because I'm too bored at home, forever alone.

So I went to K-Box with Mok,Phon,Racky and Ray today.

Erm, the most unforgettable moment during the karaoke was when me and Mok sang Aerosmith- I don't wanna miss a thing.

It's unbelievable that I can scream in that kind of rough voice, so ROCK! Screamed like a mad woman in K-Box. Btw, the electricity was down for 10 minutes today, first time for me though. Never thought of K-Box will system down also. It's weird. Suddenly TV and lights went off.

Bought a hair serum in Watsons and a Shiseido night cream in Sasa. OOO... No money ahhh. Used RM100 already,including K-Box. SHYT.

Talkative uncle. DIAM LA.

Why do I need to go for driving test again?

That's because last year, I knew it's time to renew my P license. So I sent my license back to Malaysia by postage and hoped my mom can help me to renew it. And it's gone. I went to Ireland's post office to fill up a form stating that I lost a post. But they replied that they couldn't find the post too. 

So I went for rayuan on jpj.gov.my. Results came out that I don't need to take undang anymore but still need to take driving tests. (parking and drive on the road)

Have to pay RM500++ for those two tests and 10 hours driving lessons. 

So I'm gonna have the test on Thursday and 2mrw I'll have my last driving lesson, with a very talkative uncle.

Btw, I dunno his name after few lessons with him. Bet he dunno my name too. LOL. The reason I wanna talk about him, is because I very very beh tahan him already.

You know we have to concentrate when driving right? Some more I didn't drive for 2 and a half years already. Some more, Simpang Pulai there a lot of cars and lorries. Some more, that road is 80km/h one. Some more, the road sometimes change from 2 laps to 1 lap, sometimes 1 lap to 2 laps. (or line?) But he kept talking shit to me. WTH.

So his stories today was about his job. He said he hate this job because low salary, no free time, even eat also no time, have to fetch the customers everyday from south to north, west to east, very hot weather, very tiring....

He also talked about some of his friends go and marry some Vietnamese girl, 60 years old uncle dunno what is pai seh, go and marry 20+ girl this and that. And say they tak tau malu....

Say about Malay ppl now Ramadhan, this and that. Road blocks here and there cari makan... ( while I was driving, trying to concentrate, and trying all my best to NOT listen to him)

VERY VERY CHEONG HEI ahhhh...

I like CLUBBING

Haha, just saying this for fun only. I was kind of hate clubbing before.

Talked about Muar in my last post, the guy that hosted the trip, loves club music. So I am kind of ''infected''. He likes to drive with insane speed and loves to take over other cars, while listening to club music with loud volume. ( this sentence sounds weird )

So the music he played was Nini Anthem, and Owl City Good Time. It's so funny that we'd even try to follow the moves. 

Back to clubbing part. Friday I went to Euro House for Carmen's birthday party. And Saturday went to Barroom with my sister and her friends. 

I thought I hate clubbing but actually not when I was drunk. HAHAHA. I can't believe it. I DANCED. And even talked to other guys. OMG! There were a few guys that shared the table with us in Barroom. They ordered 2 bottles of MOET Chandon lehhh... (rich guy again) I was kind of drunk by the time I talked to one of them. ARRHHGG. 

By the way, it's a miracle that I didn't throw up,can talk with other people wisely, and can walk with high heels perfectly on our way back. Two towers of Long Island did not defeat me. Just that my ears are a little malfunction when I started to feel dizzy, can't even listen to what my sister said. LOL.

I thought I'm not that kind of girl that likes clubbing, but I am starting to like it. LOLOL. SELF-CONTROL SELF-CONTROL. NAMOAMITOFU!

NONONO MISERY!

Im here again.

I changed into another person.

I realized that being miserable/emo, is so damn tiring. So I try to make myself happy. By watching Ryan Higa ( for example). And try not to think so much.

I got to know some different people by going to KL last week, and also in Barroom, when I went clubbing with my sister.

I got humiliated when I was in Muar last week. Maybe that's only because I am sensitive. I was with another 3 friends from Taylor's College. And they were all rich people la, and we went to dinner with a bunch of rich uncles in a restaurant, about 15 uncles. One of the uncle named Mr.Goh kept asking us about our study plan. Erm, he asked 3 of my friends before he asked me. One said going to UK , another one said going to Bristol, another one said going twinning and all.

Mr.Goh:'' How about u? Going abroad?''
Me:'' Im staying local.''
'' Which uni?''
'' Erm, I don't think you've ever heard about it before. It's called the Olympia College.''
'' Where about?''
'' In Ipoh one, but they have campus in KL also.'' ( I felt my ears and neck are burning, I know he didn't mean to, but I felt ashamed when comparing with the 3 friends above)
'' Where the cert from?''  (Fuck, still wanna ask so many mehhhhh...)
'' Erm, London one.''
'' Which one?''
'' East London.''

Conversation ended with awkwardness filling the air and I felt like crying.

So after a while on our way back to KL, 3 of them were saying how awkward they felt when chatting with those uncles. I know they were just saying this to make me feel better.

I understand that I am so different from 3 of them. It's a privilege to know them and be able to follow them to this wonderful trip to Muar, and be treated like a princess, did not even spend a single penny in those 3 days. It's like a dream to me. I was very very happy. So at last, I successfully made myself forget about the bitterness I felt earlier. It's worth it. I was humiliated, but nvm, I got to know these awesome friends, from a totally different world.

Nothing matters to me now. Yes, I don't have a father that owns lands of palm trees. Yes, I am not a hardworking student that can get scholarship to study abroad. Yes, I have a lower social status. BUT HELL YEAH, I'M ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD! SO WHAT ABOUT MY COLLEGE?