During morning, breakfast alone.
During afternoon, lunch alone.
During evening, FB alone.
During midnight, FB alone.
FOREVER ALONE!
I thought of getting a job, just behind my house there's a tuition centre. They are employing a part-time tutor and a secretary. But the minimum qualification for both positions are STPM/Diploma. WHAT THE HECK?
Seriously, forget about it. Guess I'll have to be alone until my course start at September. But I can't survive with just RM100 for a month and half. I hate going to money changer because the currency is at it's lowest point ever in between these 10 years... arrrgghhh...
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
I did something wrong...
Everyone will make mistakes in their lifes. Sometimes because they are lazy,maybe they are greedy,maybe they are mischievous,there's a lot of reasons.
I did something bad because of greedy. It's not so serious but I felt regret. I can't sleep well at night because of that. But I can't turn back time. Sometimes we can just let it go,but it will always be a feeling of regret,and guilty deep inside your heart. No matter how hard u try to forget it.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
I belong to myself.
Today I saw my step sister's photo and someone in her Cho's family is proud of her because she won a sport competition.
She got her Cho's family. We are still different. I want to be same with her. But it is not. When we were young together,I always follow my mom and go to their Cho's family for celebration of CNY/Mooncake festival. But they often treated me differently. Because I'm not from their family. Afterall.
Although Im from Chan's family,but I never know them. I just go to visit them few times a year. And there are many differences between myself and the Chan's family.
Im thinking if I wanna go home. Where is my home. My only home is where my mother is.
But even my mother doesn't know who I am. She would never understand or try to understand me. For me,she is a 40+ years old child. "Your age is not calculated by the years you lived, but with the hardships you faced with your head up and the dreams you tried to achieve" ~ M.Nusair
But seriously,I think the problem is myself. I never open my heart to anyone. So I doesn't blame them for not knowing what kind of person I am.
So,I belong to myself. I'd do what I want,what I like. No one can question me.
She got her Cho's family. We are still different. I want to be same with her. But it is not. When we were young together,I always follow my mom and go to their Cho's family for celebration of CNY/Mooncake festival. But they often treated me differently. Because I'm not from their family. Afterall.
Although Im from Chan's family,but I never know them. I just go to visit them few times a year. And there are many differences between myself and the Chan's family.
Im thinking if I wanna go home. Where is my home. My only home is where my mother is.
But even my mother doesn't know who I am. She would never understand or try to understand me. For me,she is a 40+ years old child. "Your age is not calculated by the years you lived, but with the hardships you faced with your head up and the dreams you tried to achieve" ~ M.Nusair
But seriously,I think the problem is myself. I never open my heart to anyone. So I doesn't blame them for not knowing what kind of person I am.
So,I belong to myself. I'd do what I want,what I like. No one can question me.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Going Home,Going Back to Studies~
It's time to go home...But still have a lot of problems that I need to face...
1st) Im thinking of going back to studies...Tenby in Ipoh is my first choice now...it's near,I can live in Gunung Rapat with my mom and dad...save on living expenses...18 months school fees around RM30K for A-levels and all fees I will have to depends on myself...Because if I study in KTAR in KL for A-levels also around the same amount if included living expenses and transport fees...Say I use RM300(rent a room)+RM300(for food)+RM200(entertainment) every month for the 18months = RM14400...and plus KTAR A-levels school fees RM14000 = RM28400 somemore plus bus fares to go back to Ipoh...so just let it be Tenby...
2nd) 2 years I left school I might be a little bit dumb and numb now....I am afraid that I can't catch up with all the fresh students from O-levels and SPM...So I need to be really hardworking...
3rd) Should I buy a second hand car when I got back? But this one I will have to discuss with my mom and dad first...
4th) Pocket money from parents...I will have to force them to at least give me RM600 pocket money each month...300 from mom and 300 from dad...If not I cant survive cuz I have my 100% school fees to afford...so I think they should bagi saya sikit sikit for support gua??
5th) My relatives...ahhh...this one is the most mafan one...what should I say to them when I got back?? Say :''hello...im finally back!!''...I think I will get into a lot of troubles when they ask me about my ''left house'' issue...I will ask them to ''leave me alone!!''...or ask them to ''let it go!!''...''that issue is past tense now''...''stop asking me why...ARRHH....''....
1st) Im thinking of going back to studies...Tenby in Ipoh is my first choice now...it's near,I can live in Gunung Rapat with my mom and dad...save on living expenses...18 months school fees around RM30K for A-levels and all fees I will have to depends on myself...Because if I study in KTAR in KL for A-levels also around the same amount if included living expenses and transport fees...Say I use RM300(rent a room)+RM300(for food)+RM200(entertainment) every month for the 18months = RM14400...and plus KTAR A-levels school fees RM14000 = RM28400 somemore plus bus fares to go back to Ipoh...so just let it be Tenby...
2nd) 2 years I left school I might be a little bit dumb and numb now....I am afraid that I can't catch up with all the fresh students from O-levels and SPM...So I need to be really hardworking...
3rd) Should I buy a second hand car when I got back? But this one I will have to discuss with my mom and dad first...
4th) Pocket money from parents...I will have to force them to at least give me RM600 pocket money each month...300 from mom and 300 from dad...If not I cant survive cuz I have my 100% school fees to afford...so I think they should bagi saya sikit sikit for support gua??
5th) My relatives...ahhh...this one is the most mafan one...what should I say to them when I got back?? Say :''hello...im finally back!!''...I think I will get into a lot of troubles when they ask me about my ''left house'' issue...I will ask them to ''leave me alone!!''...or ask them to ''let it go!!''...''that issue is past tense now''...''stop asking me why...ARRHH....''....
Saturday, March 10, 2012
POLICE SAID HI TO ME INSIDE MY BEDROOM~
It's a long story but I thought I should write it down just in case next time I will forget about this cute experience...
Since I'm working here in the Restaurant Aurora,I live in their staff hostel since September 2010. I have a student Visa here and our boss do help us to pay tax,so we have nothing to worry about.No need to worry about the immigration officer(cause we have visa).No need to worry about tax officer(cause we are paying tax).Anyway the law states that foreign students that is holding the student visa is not suppose to work more than 20 hours per week.But I do work like 38 hours a week.But that's not a problem to worry about as long as if someone ask me about my working hour I'll just tell them I work part-time only(less than 20 hours). No one will bored enough to check our working hours.
Alright,clear about the law thing. How about other staffs? Some of them have student visa and are currently paying tax. But some of them have no visa,and passport is expired as well. Same like those Indonesians that work in Msia illegally. Illegal worker. If illegal worker is discovered when they are working then the company has to fine 10K Euro. Another law again.
Now only come to the first part of the story if you are clear about the law already. So the case is few months ago we received a letter at staffs hostel. It's been sent to a person named Ching X X. No one knows who he is. But it is from the garda ( meaning police,Irish called their police as Garda ). And it is court letter that asked this person to present at court at someday in January. My colleague asked another colleague to call the landlord and ask about what happen and settle this case. But in the end they never settle the case. So two weeks ago, two garda officer showed up at our front door in the morning(me and Martin was out that day). But because those colleagues that doesn't have visa afraid to open the door so the garda left in the end. Last week Garda came again,this time with a big lorry with cage(as seen in the movie,use to lock people up one) and finally someone opened the door. Those garda officer asked about the person Ching X X. But honestly really no one knows about that guy. But because the garda came for few times already and no one opens the door,they have a warrant this time ( means they are given rights to come into our house and check anytime they want and if no one opens the door,they'll break in),but in the end they left as well.
So here comes today morning. It was 8 o'clock,everyone's asleep. Suddenly the door bell rang and rang again for a few times. Martin was the one who open the door for the Garda. This time two officer came,one male and one female,and without the big cage already. The moment Martin opened the door the male officer asked him:''how many person live inside this house?'' and Martin immediately answered him 5. (actually have 8,but 3 out of them have no visa) . They never gave Martin any chance to inform everyone in the house,so all of the staffs were still sleeping.At first,Martin came into my room and ask me to call our boss,and he shoved his phone inside his pocket after the call reached(he wanted our boss to listen to the whole conversation between all of us and the officers). Then they started to check every room. Because my room is on the first floor so the first person they checked was me. The male officer came into my room and I thought it was Martin.( without my spectacles on I can hardly see someone's face clearly). Until he said :'' hi'' only I know he is not Martin. So he asked me a lot of questions but because I was very calm and erm,seriously I did nothing wrong so I was not afraid of him,so after he looked at my passport he left my room and went to check other rooms.
At the end the two officers found 7 persons (were to be 8 but one without visa was smart enough to sneak out of the house without anyone knowing where he had gone). Well so there were two without visa left found inside the house. At first,the male officer(actually he is a sergeant) knocked on their bedroom door and the two of them were too afraid to open the door. But Martin knew even if they don't open the door the sergeant will break the door somehow. So he asked the two hiding person to open the door. Then, they showed their passports and the sergeant saw one of their passport had expired. So he said he's going to keep their passports and hand them to the immigration office, and they will have to surrender in court by a stated date.
So they left in the end. Now the two without visa are worrying. There are a few solutions but they have to go to the court first and see what they can do. Either they can buy a flight ticket and have their passports back. And then they can keep working here and throw the flight ticket away. Because the reason of buying the flight ticket is to assure to the immigration that they will left Ireland. After they show their tickets,they can throw it away if they got their passports back because passports are their own belongings. Or either they can just go back Malaysia for holiday and come back again after one or two months. When they were back,they can renew their passports ( after the passport had been renewed no one will know u had been staying in Ireland illegally cause Ireland's customs are not like England. They're not so strict like England's.) Or either they can just leave their passports at the immigration office and not having it back again, but in that case they must not live in this address again cause when they don't show up in court someone will come to this house and check if they have left or what. If they still living in here and didn't show up in court and keep staying illegally maybe they will have to go to prison or something dunno lahhh...
So the end of story. Just to let someone like u that is interested in these things to know what's happening on Earth. I dunno lah,,,but such experience is quite precious for me.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Why do I cry less when I was young?
When I was 10 years old,I always feel proud because in the whole year's time I will never cry,not even once...no matter what happened...felt down and felt the pain,watched a touching movie ,argued with sisters...
Why do people cry less when they grow up...but I cry less while I was young?
Yesterday I cried a few times when I was watching the movie ''War Horse''...and my bf said I was funny...I don't think it's even that funny because even myself can't understand why I cry so much...all the time...I can feel the pain from my heart now....
And I cried again today...like I cry every single day...
When did I became this miserable Pinky? I doesn't know....
I only wish that I will never be able to grow up...and be 10 years old...always...cuz sorrow will slowly bother u while u are growing up...
There are so many uncertainty...doubt...pain...that I felt each day...I wish to get rid of all...
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Goodbye is the hardest word to say...
I found out that the things that I always refuse to do is call my parents...I can't express my own feeling in facebook anymore cuz my family members have facebook accounts as well...so I can only talk about it here since there's not much frens that follow my blogspot...
It's X'mas so I have to call my parents...the moment I saw my mum on Skype I just keep enduring the tears...I forced my tears to go back...that time many frens are inside the house so I didn't wanna cry in front of them...I saw my mum and my sisters are so happy,sitting on the sofa,I can feel the warm to be at home...I wanna go home...
I planned to call my dad as well after calling my mum but I didn't...cuz I don't wanna suffer so much...I decided to call him when my emotion calms down...maybe tomorrow...or later...cuz the last thing I wanna do is talk to them...it's soooooooooooo hard...I miss them damn much...very very much...
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